Mirage
by Fen Jien Ren
Summary: For Ulquiorra, there is only one way for Grimmjow to prove his love and that is to give his heart to him LITERALLY. Ulquiorra still claims that what he does not see, does not exist! So how can Grimmjow get out of this without ending up dead?


**Mirage.**

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_"Hope disappears too easily, like a dream...  
__That's why we often ask, 'Do You Love Me?'"_

_-- _Kawaii Hito

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Ulquiorra was sitting up with his knees on his chest and his arms wrapped around them. Grimmjow was sleeping soundly beside him, and every now and then, he would check on him and sometimes stare at the snoring man for a little longer. There was something bothering him, making his chest feel heavy and his mind very weary. He raised a hand to touch the rosy mark in between his neck and shoulder, rubbing it as if checking if it was really there.

He had been a man full of logic, also a man of doubt. Ulquiorra looks at everything as if he was a scientist, and so if he found no proof of anything, then it did not exist. He always believed that his eyes could see everything, living or not. He decides for himself whether he should believe or not, whether one is real or fake. He had been living his very long life like this, but now, he found himself suddenly doubting it. He wanted to believe something he couldn't see, and he found it hard. Very hard.

His green eyes went down from Grimmjow's face to his chest, the place humans said to have their hearts. Hearts, as he had heard, were objects that hold emotions for the living. Anger, happiness, distress, appreciation, agitation... Every single emotion came from there, and love was no different.

Grimmjow told Ulquiorra that he loved him, but what proof, that Ulquiorra could trust, did he have? Nothing. Just words. Meaningless words that can be taken back and forgotten. Sometimes they weren't even meant. Frankly, Ulquiorra wanted to believe him, hopelessly searching for a proof or for at least something that was tangible so he could rest his weary heart in knowing that everything was going to be fine. But no matter how hard he searched, there was nothing to be found.

And then it hit him.

The heart. The heart was the one that made Grimmjow feel and say that he loved Ulquiorra, right? That was the only palpable proof that Grimmjow did love him. If he sees that, then maybe... Just maybe he'd be comfortable in being in his arms.

Ulquiorra reached out, landing his hand over Grimmjow's chest. For a while, he watched it go up and down as the blue-haired Espada continued to sleep deeply. Under his hand, he could feel something moving... Beating. Was that the heart that all humans claim to know so well? He continued to feel for it and later tried to look for his own, but found his chest empty. He didn't have a heart... The more reason he wanted to be reassured that such a thing existed and that Grimmjow was saying the truth.

He curled his fingers, digging his nails on the soft flesh. Clawing the skin off.

"Owowowow!" Grimmjow shot up, swatting the hand from his now bleeding and almost skinless chest. "SHIT! What the fuck?!"

Ulquiorra answered Grimmjow's deadly glare with a blank face, and simply reached out to continued what he was doing before the Sexta Espada woke up.

"H-hey! HEY!" He jumped out of the bed, snatching the blanket with him to cover his lower regions. "Seriously! Did you hit your stupid head somewhere? What the fuck is with your head?!"

"I want to see it."

Seeing Ulquiorra's almost innocent expression, Grimmjow's anger was suddenly forgotten. "Huh?"

"Your heart." Ulquiorra pointed at the other's chest, "I want to see it."

"I... I don't think that's possible." The Sexta Espada said bewilderedly, cautiously sitting back down beside his lover. He met his eyes, awkwardly starting a staring game that lasted for a few minutes until Ulquiorra started scraping his chest off again. "O-ow, ow! Shit! Damn it, stop!"

"Show it."

Grimmjow held the pale hand arm's length from him, pressing the blanket to his chest with the other to control the bleeding. "Are you out of you mind?"

"...No."

"Then what is with you?" He released the hand, regretting this somehow at the back of his mind. "What made you freak out?"

Ulquiorra fell silent, not that he was a man of words, but worry was almost noticeable on his face. He look down, eyes searching desperately for something, an action Grimmjow never liked.

"What is it?" he inched closer, "Tell me."

"Do you love me?" Ulquiorra said, their eyes meeting.

"Of course, I do."

"Is it your heart that told you that you do?"

Grimmjow raised a brow at this, the pieces slowly being put back together, but still he reluctantly answered, "Yeah... why?"

"Then show me. Your heart."

"I'll have to die first." then in a flash, Ulquiorra's fingers were wrapped around his neck, nearly choking him. "Oh, hey! Hey! Fuck! Let go! I didn't mean it like that!"

Ulquiorra loosened his grip a little, "Your heart doesn't exists, doesn't it?"

"I-it does." He replied gingerly, feeling really awkward with the hand of a very unstable man holding his neck.

"Why can't you show me?"

"Because I'm going to die if I show it to you, you little shit."

Silence.

"I still want to see it." The Cuarta Espada said coldly, pushing the taller one down to the bed as he tightened his grip and began scratching the open wound further. He sat down on Grimmjow's chest, straddling his hips, and poured all his mind into seeing the heart that was responsible for his every problem.

"Q-quit it!" he growled, rolling around and exchanging their position. Once Ulquiorra was pressed flat on the bed, Grimmjow trapped the pale arms in a vice-like grip, determined not to release them anytime soon.

Green eyes stared up coldly, "Do you love me?" Ulquiorra asked, as if also asking which he loved more: him or his life.

"Yes, damn it! But I love my life too!" he replied, annoyance evident in his face and voice. "Will you just tell me what's wrong?!"

"What my eyes don't see does not exist." Ulquiorra plainly said, "I can not see your heart, where you could feel your so called love, therefore it does not exist. You don't love me, and there's no such thing as love. It's nothing but an illusion. A useless thing. A trash."

"There is, and I fucking do. Stop this before I fucking--"

"I don't have a heart." He spoke, touching Grimmjow's unmasked cheek gently as his arms were gradually released. "I can't love. You said you have one, so you can love... But how do I know that it is real? How do I know that your love is not fake? That it is really there... Your heart, with your love, on your chest."

"Scrape and I'll Cero your head off." Grimmjow sighed, taking the hand on his cheek to his wounded chest and wincing a little once the cold hand touched his skin. They fell silent for a while, the blue-eyed Arrancar letting the other feel his heart beating through his chest. "You feel it right? Is that not enough?"

"Proof. A tangible proof."

The Sexta Espada turned away with a scowl on his face. He hadn't thought about it before, but it was actually obvious that there was no touchable proof for emotions because it's just something that a person feels. Realizing that, Ulquiorra wasn't exactly a man that understood what emotions were. For God's sake, he didn't even seem to have any, but how could Grimmjow answer him? For once, he fell into deep thinking, determined to get the tables turned or just make the stoic Espada to forget such an unanswerable question. But knowing Ulquiorra, distracting him was in the top list of the impossible things, and so he gave up. Thinking was making his head hurt anyway.

"There's none."

"Then it isn't real."

On the other hand, he was sure he wasn't going to hear the end of it until he agrees with what Ulquiorra was saying. But he did love him, and he always hated it when someone doubts him. It made him feel that he wasn't worth to be trusted, and being doubted by Ulquiorra was the worst of it all. Yet, regardless of everything that he knew, there really was no way to give what the other was asking for.

"Tch." He glared, diving down to take Ulquiorra's pale lips only to find it moved away from him and kissing the pale cheek instead. He paused, looking up, and saw that those green eyes were looking far away from him. Ulquiorra always loved to stare, claiming that it was the best way to intimidate or to study another person, but why was he avoiding his eyes now? Perhaps things were a lot more complicated than he initially thought it was? He didn't like him like this, when he couldn't understand him because he was acting differently from usual.

Grimmjow always hated change.

"It is and I ain't lying."

He continued to kiss the Cuarta anywhere except for the lips, and after every kiss he would whisper: "I love you." but it didn't take Ulquiorra away from his thoughts. It was the only thing in his mind, and he wasn't really the type to use words to his advantage. If he could do anything with his mouth, it was either making things worse or making other people angry much to the enjoyment of the battle. He traveled lower and lower until he was on the other's chest and swirled his tongue around the navel, hoping that it would take his lover's thoughts away from the matter at hand.

"Enough." Ulquiorra firmly said like an order, fisting the blue hair and pulling it away from his abdomen.

"Do you believe me?"

"No."

"Then I'm not stopping." He pulled the hand off his head even when he had to say goodbye to a few strands of his hair that came with Ulquiorra's clenched fist. He scowled at the painful feeling, but went back down to continue his ministrations all over his lover's slim body.

"I love you." he said, kissing Ulquiorra's jaw, and this time he did not get anything in return. Ulquiorra did not react even how many kisses he showered all over his body. Sensing that something was off, he looked up and saw that those beautiful, green eyes were glistening with tears--a very rare and unwanted sight. Grimmjow stopped, crawling up, and pressed his forehead against the others. "Don't cry."

Ulquiorra was facing him, but his eyes were still looking at anything that wasn't him. He closed his eyes and asked, "Do you want me to leave?"

There were silence for a while, and then Ulquiorra finally looked at him, their eyes meeting.

"Yes," he answered, "Please."

Grimmjow straightened his back, moving off the smaller Espada, and started searching for his clothes. Once he had found them, he dressed up as fast as he could, knowing how important solitude was to his lover. Scratching the back of his neck and looking back at the raven-haired's back that face him, he said, "Well... I'm leaving."

Ulquiorra rolled to lie at his back, watching as Grimmjow slowly walked away. He covered his eyes, hoping to dry the tears that were forming at the corner of his eyes, as he called, "Grimmjow."

The Sexta Espada looked back, "Yeah?"

Slim, pale arms reached out, asking for a hand to hold. Grimmjow stepped closer and took it, squeezing gently as he knelt down beside the bed. Ulquiorra met his eyes again, feeling a little happy that he was looking at him again like he normally would. He always hated it whenever Ulquiorra would act different because he had no idea what to do.

"I want to love you." The Cuarta whispered, barely caught by Grimmjow's ears. "But, I don't have a..." Tears suddenly filled his eyes and poured down his pale face, completely taking the blue-haired Espada by surprise. Ulquiorra tightened his grip on his lover's hand. "I don't have a heart."

Slowly, the tiny fragments were brought together and made a clearer picture. Grimmjow finally understood what was all the fuss about with the heart and all that. Ulquiorra wanted to say that he loved him, but he couldn't because he knew that the heart was responsible for it, something that he didn't have. He wanted to find a way to express himself even without a heart. He wanted to understand and say that without a heart, he could feel as well.

"You fucking got worked up about that?" Grimmjow smiled a little, "I don't really give much shit if you do or don't."

"But..."

"Even if you don't love me, it's good enough for me that you don't hate me." Grimmjow leaned down and kissed the cheek that were dampen by the tears, holding his lover's hand even tighter. "What matters to me is that you're here... with me, and wanting to love me."

"Grimmjow,"

"Shut it and stop crying. I ain't gonna hear it."

Ulquiorra smiled a little, wiping his tears, which Grimmjow certainly didn't miss.

Maybe change wasn't so bad after all.

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**FEN:** That was soooo much fluffy and soooo very OOC. I thought I was going to die and melt at the same time, smothered by the icky romance. I was picturing a gentle-faced Grimmjow and an innocent Ulquiorra while writing this... which scared me a little bit. This is actually the pilot thingy for **Our Greatest Secret**, but I only got the courage to write it now. I'm not a romance fic writer, and believe me, I get chills everytime I try to. I read romance, I just can't write some myself. The reason why **OGS** turned out the way it is now is because I deleted the very first version of it by accident, so in some sense, the one you guys are reading is the second one..... well, that's from chapter one to four. From chapter five to the present, you could consider it as a third version because stupidity got the best of me again. :P

This is my first try in writing a 100percent romance, so be nice. If you don't like it, don't just say it sucks or it's full of shit. Say why and explain. I'm going to be very sensitive because other than this is my first one, I am also trying to get used to making conversations. I so suck at that. So, yeah... **feedbacks would be great**! :D

Love you guys! Especially **Dior Crystal** and **ChiharuSato22**!!! **Dior**, I am so excited for an update in **Lessons in Love**!!! :DD


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